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How Not to Destroy a Relationship: 12 Fatal Factors You Must AvoidBY: Eve | Category: Relationships | Post Date: 2010-02-09
Keeping a relationship steady and long lasting is a huge responsibility. You must be aware of 12 major fatal factors that would destroy your relationship. You must be willing to work hard on it together with your partner. Accepting the flaws, imperfections, having open communication, avoiding cheating and manipulation are some of the fatal factors that one must sir away from. A relationship is a connection between two people or sometimes more, that brings about the good in each other. It is an affiliation that brings pleasant and positive feelings about everything else in life. It is good to keep it going for as long as possible, maybe even lasting a lifetime. It is just fair that to keep a good relationship going and you must be aware of some ways that could destroy it. Knowing these would help you avoid those mistakes that would greatly impair the good relationship you have at the moment. 1. If you are getting into a new romance, you must first forget about your ex. Be up front and settle things between you and your ex, then move forward with your life. You don't have to hurt each other's feelings because that would be self-defeating and inconsiderate. It may take sometime to forget, but by being more positive would help you get over it. Let yourself meet new friends and do group dates till you feel you are ready. 2. If you do get on the dating game, make sure to know your date well. If you have been going out for some months, you may have to assess your feelings, and if you must do exclusive dating, be sure that you are ready to commit so. Don't say -I love you- just too soon to your date, you might scare the person away. Try to get to know each other better first, find out your common interests and try to be aware if you feel the same attraction for each other. Bid your time, don't hurry up, find out more and if as time goes on for more than a year or so, then if you feel the same attraction and have the same feelings, then you can go forward with the next step. 3. Don't let the green-eyed monster get into your relationship! Jealousy is a fatal mistake to avoid, it easily ruins a relationship. If one is feeling insecure and unsure, or if the other is more domineering in a relationship, chances are that the feelings of jealousy would start to come in. To be able to offset this mistake, try to be more open about your feelings and emotions to your partner. An honest and direct communication would be good to sustain the relationship. 4. Another fatal factor to avoid is cheating. There is no justification if cheating comes into the relationship. The relationship is supposed to be between only the both of you, and there should not be a third party in it. No excuses, really! 5. You always are thinking of the future or the past. You ask yourself the questions ‘what if, if only I did this or that, I could have done this or that' and other similar scenarios in your mind that you tend to forget that you are in your present reality. This is not a good habit to do, always thinking this way about how things could have or should have done; you would be like a robot moving around automatically without any real purpose. You must stir away from this kind of thinking, instead focus on the moment of reality that you have to cherish and enjoy the excitement and pleasantness of your present relationship. Make it fun and treat your relationship like a new venture for you both. 6. About friends. You have your own set of friends. Try to make a compromise with your partner that there would be times that you may have to meet up with your friends. Treat this as a good way to give both of you your own time and space. Just always let each other know when you are with your friends, and then assure each other that you are going to meet on a later date to spend quality time with each other. Better yet, make it more exciting by insinuating how much you miss each other and that the time spent away would be made up in more intimate moments when you meet up. 7. Changing your partner. If you try to do this, you are doing it wrong. You get into a relationship because you have finally admitted and appreciated everything about your partner, the good and the bad, and everything else. Your partner may get insulted, or even feel restrained if you do. Let each other have enough freedom to be what you really are as long as you complement the goodness of each other in the relationship, then that's what matters most. 8. Being manipulative toward your partner. This is a big no-no. Don't try manipulation to get what you want from your partner. Manipulation by emotions like guilt, fault-finding, shame and anger should not be used against your partner. You must always be aware that you and your partner can only take so much, and manipulation can always affect both your emotions about each other. So avoid this kind of treatment, instead be more realistic and discuss matters openly and more maturely. 9. Good communication is lacking in the relationship. You must remember to talk, discuss, share and talk about your feelings, desires and plans for each other. You must also be open to hug, cuddle, kiss and touch each other because these are good ways to show your inner feelings and emotions for each other. Get to know your partner better by exploring more ways to do things together and make fun doing it together as a couple. 10. Putting the blame on your partner is another destroyer of a good relationship. You must remember to take responsibility for what you do, and the same with your partner. You must not put pressure on each other; it would be better to help each other by making decisions together and trying to sort out things before any action is taken. 11. Thinking that your partner is the Ideal one. Now, this is good at some point, but if you overdo it, it can be disastrous. Of course, you would want an ideal partner in ideal relationship, but don't be too idyllic about the whole scenario. You must accept the fact and reality that a relationship has its flaws, your partner has their flaws; your relationship can't be perfect all the time and this is the same with your partner. If this stays in your mind for the longest time, you would feel disappointed when things don't work out the way as you had them in your mind, so it affects your relationship somehow. Just think that to be in ideal relationship, you and your partner must work hard on it and improve on your ways to be better. 12. When you don't feel the same feelings like you did before. Okay, time for reality check. You got into the relationship because you had strong feelings and attraction for each other. Then at some point, after sometime, your strong feelings have faded and the attraction is not there anymore. If you are new into the relationship, time is important. If you are sure about this, do tell your partner about your feelings. It may hurt, but it would be better to settle it early than later because the hurt would become deeper. But if your relationship has been for some years, do it calmly, talk to your partner and try to be as civil about the matter as you can and make your partner understand your predicament. There may still be other fatal factors that can destroy a relationship. Some of the above-mentioned ones may not be valid but then it can be construed that they do happen. 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