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Women: The 'How-To' ManualBY: Dasha K | Category: Women | Post Date: 2009-12-23
Did you ever wish women came with user manuals? These days manufacturers print user manuals everything and anything—from juice boxes and clothes hangers to rocket ships. In this article I provide a short manual—a list of tips to consider using when interacting with the illogical unit known as a woman. Most points in this manual are intended to minimize the phenomenon known as -arguments-. This manual comes with a warning: -do not take too seriously-. 1. Un-wrap the unit's packaging, check if all body parts are present and intact. Upon inspection make sure to communicate your approval to the unit. This should cut down on the amount of arguments. Maintain steady flow of reassurances in order to minimize the appearance of unhappiness. 2. If the unit is intended for long-term use, take care to verify that basic views, morals, goals, and values fit your demands. This will prevent excessive arguments. If the unit is not compatible with your needs, carefully exchange it before it had been used. Returning merchandise after use will result in a prolonged argument. 3. Engage in the activity termed -sympathetic nodding while pretending to listen- at least once a day to reduce the occurrence of arguments. NOTICE: it is not essential that you actually pay attention to the verbal output of the unit. There is no need to fix the unit—it often tends to solve problems on its own. The -sympathetic nodding- technique ensures the unit is able to process data in the form of verbal output and come up with a solution. Offer -support- (in the form of nodding) and not -solutions- to your unit to reduce the number of overtly redundant arguments focusing on the futile topic of -you never really listen to me-. 4. Keep the unit at room temperature to prevent occurrences of respiratory infections, cold sores, and unpleasant conversations. Avoid getting too close to the unit when its body temperature is below optimal, otherwise you will run the risk of becoming a "cuddle-heater". To activate positive response after cold exposure, provide the unit with a hot beverage (tea, coffee, hot chocolate, etc.) and a pastry (doughnut, pie, cake, etc.). This strategy will also work most of the time when the unit is upset. 5. Attention! There is no lifetime warranty—the manufacturer rarely accepts the product back. Moreover, the out-of-pocket expenses are not reimbursed after termination of unit use, no exceptions. Dissatisfaction with the product will be viewed as exclusively your fault. Not admitting you are at fault will likely result in an argument. 6. Some units are hyper-sensitive to being placed next to household devices (washing machines, vacuum cleaners, stoves, etc.). This sensitivity should be verified before the unit is taken up on long-term bases. Failure to do so will result in a lifetime of arguments. 7. WARNING! Most units are extremely sensitive to your calling or accepting calls from other units. Theoretically, breaking this rule should only have repercussions if there is an agreement outlining terms of exclusive use. However, due to undetectable errors in the design, the unit may automatically assume exclusivity, resulting in an argument. 8. Keep your unit clean—dusting is not enough, shower the unit daily. The unit is not sensitive to moisture and is able to withstand detergents (soaps, shampoos, bath salts, etc.) and other potentially toxic products (a $70 night face cream, smelly nail polish, mud from the Dead Sea, etc.). 9. Call the unit daily to check up on its performance. Failure to do so will likely result in an argument. However, calling-dose-limitations clause specifies that excessive calling will result in being termed -controlling-, and a subsequent argument. 10. Do not forget that flowers, perfumes, and chocolate are the catalyst for induction of hyper-sensitivity of your unit. 11. Unpredictable errors may occur at certain days of the month. Do not try to apply logic when interacting with your unit at this time, it will likely result in an argument. The unit will get back to normal operation mode shortly. 12. When in contact with the unit, use protective materials, otherwise you will be running a risk of securing a steady supply of arguments for the rest of your life. This manual only summarizes a few key restrictions regarding unit use. For optimization of performance each unit should be calibrated individually. Remember that glitches are common in these models. The manufacturers are currently working on improving the present design. Article Source: http://www.writearticles.org About Author / Additional Info: I am a new writer who believes in following one’s dream, world peace, workoholism, friendship, and me. 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