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Abusive Men: How to Tell If He is Abusive on Your First Few DatesBY: Maya Ballesteros | Category: Relationships | Submitted: 2010-09-04 11:07:50
We have all heard about women getting stuck in an abusive relationship, unable to get out. It is difficult to see the damage he is doing to you when it is your own relationship, when you are too far gone into the relationship. It usually takes a whale of a wake up call to finally leave, if at all. A lot of heartbreaks and physical hurt can be avoided if we as women remain on out guard especially at the beginning of a relationship. The few first dates usually are good opportunities to spot some abusive tendencies. He is rude to the waiter This is a very good rule of thumb. An abusive person is more than likely someone who is insecure and tries to make up for it by convincing himself that he is better than anyone else. He is especially likely to throw his weight about when dealing with people he thinks as inferior. Chalk it up as a red flag if he treats your waiter or waitress dismissively, or out and out rudely. He shows no respect of personal space Whether it is physical or not, he just invades into your personal space. When you sit together, he sits just a little too close, leaning in just a little too much. You put your hand out of his reach but he pushes forward and takes it anyway, holding your hand when you haven't decided if you would let him or not. Worse, he crowds you and kisses you when no invitation has been extended. This sounds romantic in the novels but in real life, be very, very careful. He is charming, a little too charming We are all familiar with guys who are a little shy or downright socially awkward. Even the ones who have been around the block may show some cute ineptness when it comes to dealing with others in a social setting. They say awkward things that create a pause in a conversation, they ask questions that should not be asked or they joke when it is not appropriate to. When you find a guy who smoothly skips all this, either he is lucky or he is an abusive person. Remember that an abusive man needs to show his superiority and he tends to go for the superficial, like showing that he is better than the waiter or else that he is perfect when it comes to first impressions. He charms you, he charms your friends and he charms both your mother and father. It is the norm for a group of people to have split opinions regarding a topic or a person. If all your friends and family members are raving about him, you need to take another look. When something is too good to be true, it usually is. He takes no blame Listen when he talks about past relationships or past jobs. Is it always someone else's issues? Is it his exes who were always not doing things right? Were his colleagues backstabbers or just not any good? He may rephrase things to sound nicer but read the bottom line. If he doesn't take any blame, he is likely to find faults in you, so many that he will hold you responsible for anything wrong in his life and will end up hitting you or abuse you emotionally. He has issues with his mother Men can be a full fledged Mom's boys or ones who are affectionate or the larger percentage who are embarrassed by their mothers but love them anyway. Men who have less than affection not to mention love toward their mothers are men you need to stay away from. Ask him about his mother when you talk about family during your first few dates. If he can talk about her, either outright jokes about how she is constantly calling him or tells you that she is the best then all is fine. If he clams up and doesn't elaborate much, raise another red flag. He doesn't take you seriously In another effort to reassure himself he is superior to others, he puts down others and thinks nobody is as important as himself. During the first few dates when he is still trying to impress you, he tries with all his might to fight these tendencies but the tell tale signs will show anyway. He laughs at things you are passionate about, dismisses topics that raise your concerns, all in the spirit of humor and having fun. Animated discussions and good arguments can be fun and if he can't be bothered to have a serious conversation with you, you should pack things up and call it a night. Article Source: http://www.writearticles.org/ About Author / Additional Info: Comments on this article: (0 comments so far)
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