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Basically a Fatter Fiat Bravo, With Sarah Jessica Parker Face

BY: Alessandro Saetta Vinci | Category: Cars, Bikes and Trucks | Submitted: 2010-11-06 19:53:48
 
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The other day I rang up Lancia, the Italian car maker, and asked them if I could borrow a Lancia Delta for an article for a couple of days. I'd already driven it very briefly when it first came out, but I wanted to try the 190 hp diesel version. I'm always curious about big turbo diesel engines. I hate diesel engines, but the big ones are usually fun.
Anyway, the lady who answered the phone told me that they don't lend cars for more than 20-30 minutes. So I asked her what if the chief editor of Top Gear wants a Delta for a few days? Would she still tell him he can't have it for more than 20-30 minutes? She said no. She said the chief editor of Top Gear could have the car for as long as he likes.

Well we may have a bit of a problem here, love.

First of all: Lancia, the brand. Lancia surely can boast of a big pedigree and a great history of thoroughbred cars, the Stratos, the Delta Integrale and so on, but today Lancia only make four cars: a big saloon that only the government buys to use it as "Auto Blu" (the official cars used by members of the Government in Italy), the Phedra which is in fact a small moon with wheels, the Y, which is in the same league as the Mini, the 500 and the Mito. Only slightly worse. And the Delta, which is, essentially, a Fiat Bravo that's had too many burgers and had a face lift. Which went wrong.

Then, the lady said she was going to send me a brochure, which was pointless as I already knew I wanted to try the 190 hp diesel, and once I'd decided which model I'd like, she said we could arrange for a test drive with a local dealership.

So, the following day, I went to the local Lancia dealership and asked them if I could have a go with the Lancia Delta. They said they needed a piece of paper, by Lancia themselves, with something on it and couldn't just give me the car "like this". Not even for a short test drive with one of them on the passenger seat.

I told them this was ridiculous, I told them that Porsche and Mercedes are less fastidious than they are with cars that cost a billion times more than theirs and left.
Then I went on to visit another Lancia dealership, 30 miles away, grabbed a Delta, which was mercifully handed to me without further questions, and took it for a spin.

The car wasn't half bad. It's comfy enough and very spacious, the diesel engine is not bad either, 190 hp on a car that weighs, with you in it, 1.5 tons it's enough for a little oomph, but everything else was not bad. It was dreadfully worse. I don't like the boot, which is small compared to the size of the thing, I don't like the look of it, I don't like the dashboard, which feels cheap and is utterly confused, I don't like the selection of wheels, none of them are any attractive to me, but most of all I don't like the price. It's too damn expensive. The version I tried had a big twin turbo engine and it was well equipped, but 35.000 euros for what's basically a diesel hatchback? I don't think so.

I could list a number of cars that you should buy rather than this one, I could begin now and when you'll be old and crazy enough to call your daughter Bruce and your son Claire I still wouldn't have finished.

There's the Fiat Bravo, which is prettier. The Alfa Giulietta, which is much prettier. The VW Golf, which is more practical and spacious. The Astra, which is more fun....see?? And that's before I get to cars of another category. For 35.000 euros you could buy a 2 litre, lavishly equipped Mazda MX-5, and still save a lot of money you could use for petrol.

Now Lancia may say that to lend me a car, without seemingly getting anything back, it's economically bad for them. It isn't. What they grant is some petrol and some new tyres that'll be slightly worn out. What they would've had in return from this, if they'd given me the car for a proper test drive, would've been a nicer article (although I genuinely don't like the car) that would've appeared, certainly: here, on my website, on the magazine I write a weekly column for, and, in all probability, on the Italian version of Top Gear magazine. Many people would've read it.
Now instead I won't send it to Top Gear. And everyone else who will read this, and I promise you I'm even willing to help you out financially, if you thought about buying a Delta, don't. Buy a VW Golf and have a decent holiday with the spare change, that's a much better idea.

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